I recently learned of the passing of a lady I knew when I was a child.   I grew up with her children but we had lost touch over the years as they moved far away to other parts of the country.  

She was ill only a short time before she died, so it was wonderful that her children were able to be here to spend some time with her.  And while her passing was sad, sadder still is what happened afterward.  When the children went to their parents home, they were shocked by what they found.   No doubt due to age and illness, the parents had not been able to care for their surroundings.  The house was packed with clutter, barely leaving enough room to sit or maneuver through the home.  However, immediately upon their mothers’ death, the children went to the home and began cleaning out and throwing away everything in their path.  This was extremely upsetting to their 87 year old father.  An argument ensued which resulted in the children leaving for their respective homes.  The hurt and upset was such that one of the children did not return for the mother’s memorial service.

Let’s look at this from the children’s point of view...perhaps they were embarrassed by the conditions they found, not wanting mourners who may call to see the home.  Maybe they blamed themselves for not visiting their parents more often or providing assistance/help in other ways.  Maybe they were simply grieving for their mother and it expressed itself in this matter.

The father....he most certainly was grieving...after all he had been married to his wife for over 63 years.  He was not able to process all the events that had happened to him in such a short period of time. 

A good idea would have been to allow a little time to have passed with the children returning at a future date to begin the clean out process, when emotions were not quite so raw.  They definitely needed to have a frank but respectful conversation with their father, expressing their concern for his health while living in such conditions.  Perhaps hearing their love and concern would have soften him and allowed the necessary work to begin.  Another suggestion would be to hire a professional estate liquidator and/or a residential organizer. A professional liquidator could clean out the home by discarding, donating, recycling, or consigning items that were no longer needed (i.e. the mother’s personal effects). This helps eliminate unnecessary stress and emotion for the family. If the father were to continue living in the home, a professional organizer could assist in setting up the home in a way that fits his life now, taking into consideration his age, physical limitations and safety. 

Age, illness and death are part of life’s transitions...don’t let personal possessions become a source of strife and hurt within the family.   Expressing genuine love and concern goes a long way toward working things out and it never hurts to ask for help from a trusted professional.

Melanie Nienke contributed this blog and is an estate liquidator, personal property appraiser and residential organizer serving York County, SC.  She is an associate of the American Society of Estate liquidators, member of the Certified Appraisers Guild of America and a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers.  Contact Melanie through her website:  estatetransitionsllc.com.

Tip # 1-Communicate and Compromise

Many issues with summer visitation can be avoided with effective communication.  Keep the lines of communication open.  You and your ex-spouse will always be the child’s parents and the ability to openly communicate and compromise concerning visitation will be easier for both you and the child.  Unwillingness to compromise creates hostility.  Remember, you may be the one requesting a deviation from the scheduled visitation in the future.  How you handle your ex-spouse’s requests may set the tone for how he/ she responds should you request a change at a later date.

Tip # 2- Put the Child’s Needs First

While this may seem obvious, when dealing with your ex-spouse concerning any issues involving the child, place the child’s needs in front of your own desires or feelings.  While you may feel that refusing to compromise with respect to visitation is a means of “paying back” your ex-spouse, the actual injured party is your child.  Learn to put your feelings aside and see things from your child’s point of view. 

Tip #3- Do Not Speak Negatively About the Other Parent

As difficult as this may be, do not speak negatively about your ex-spouse in front of your child. It is natural for your child to want to talk about the other parent. You should listen attentively and be very careful with your comments.

Tip #4- Respect the Other Parent’s Privacy

It is important to understand that parenting time with your child should not be used to question him/her about your ex-spouse’s personal life. Do not ask your child about any significant other’s or anything about your ex-spouse’s social life.

Tip #5- Be On Time

It is imperative that you are on time for all pick-ups and drop-offs for your child. If you are late for any reason, notify the other parent as soon as possible. Also, if you are unable to exercise a scheduled visitation with your child, notify the other parent as far in advance as possible. Always notify the other parent, and if possible, also speak with the child and let him/her know why you are late or cannot exercise visitation. Unfortunately, all parents do not follow Tip # 3 and speaking with the child will assure him that you did not simply forget about the visitation or not want to visit with him/her.   Do not leave your child waiting for you, only to be disappointed when you do not show up.

Tip #6- Keep Your Promises

Kids have grand ideas about what they want to do on summer vacation. Be sure to not promise to take your child on any vacation or outing that you cannot afford or that has been forbidden by the other parent. Make plans and promises based on what is achievable and follow through with those plans.

Tip #7- Share the Moments

Share photographs that you have of your child’s summer adventures with your ex-spouse and his/her family. Creating open communication about summer activities with the other parent is of great benefit to your child.

Tip #8- Coordinate With the Other Parent

If you find an activity or event that you would like your child to participate in, but it occurs at a time when the child is scheduled to be with the other parent, speak with your ex-spouse to see if the child can attend the event. Work out the details with the other parent before speaking to your child. A great deal of disappointment, anger and frustration for your child can be avoided if both parents communicate, reasonably adjust schedules and compromise.

Happy Summer and don’t forget the sunscreen!

Those of us of the Baby Boomer generation may now be caring for or overseeing the care of our aged parents.   One of those responsibilities may include liquidating the personal property within their home.  Typically, most of our parents have lived in their homes 40 or more years.  And they held on to everything!  Sorting through the years’ of accumulated possessions can be overwhelming and emotional, not to mention time consuming.   Where do you start?  What do you do with it all?  And what may be valuable...or not?   This is a good time to turn to an estate liquidation professional.   They can advise the best way to liquidate the property, whether by donation, consignment, having an estate sale or a combination of all three.   A professional liquidator will research the items as to values under current market conditions so that you and your loved ones receive the most value for the personal property.   So instead of being filled with dread, anxiety and worry that you donated the right things or sold it for the right price, leave it to an estate liquidator and you can spend your time reflecting on precious memories and creating new ones.

Melanie Nienke is an estate liquidator, personal property appraiser and residential organizer serving York County, SC.  She is an associate of the American Society of Estate liquidators, member of the Certified Appraisers Guild of America and a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers.  Contact Melanie through her website:  estatetransitionsllc.com.

So I started out my list this morning with about 10 subheadings, all of which deal with updating my firm's website. It is 4:00 PM now and although I have been working diligently all day on the website - I have YET to mark off one item on the list. It is growing even as I type.

Why am I saying all of this? Because it is amazing the amount of knowledge that is transmitted through the internet. I want to get out there and get my hands dirty. I am going to start today, trying to make at least one blog entry a week. I have a wealth of information to both learn and share. I am going to get busy finding time to do so.

I am a new Mom, so like most all of you, I have high hopes but not always enough time. So, here's to my effort to start a down to earth, educational blog about the issues that surround my practice. While I intend to enter the majority of the blogs, you will hear from my staff from time to time. Please be sure to check out all of my staff members which can be found under the About Our Firm tab. Also check out our Areas of Practice which can be found under the Practice Areas tab. We have a lot to do before we can call our website "finished" - but we've got to start somewhere.

We are open to suggestions on blog topics as well as information we can supply on our website. Just contact us!!

Looking forward to the next time!